Mormon Zodiac Horse Tapir
This nerdy tapir has been studying some Mormon apologetics, and has learned that he is a horse! He’s taking a moment to see himself with this new found insight.

Attribute Emphasis: Mental

Horses are intelligent and intuitive. They have cool heads and keen minds. They are masters of planning and analyzing, but don’t always reach proper conclusions. Horses are clean and tidy — they can’t stand a mess. They love mentally stimulating conversations and try to avoid any gushy emotional talk. This can make them seem cold and callous, because they just aren’t interested in the day-to-day drama “horse shit” flavor of the day.

Horses are impatient and indecisive. Not every problem needs to be analyzed to death — try pulling a solution out of your ass once in a while. It might help you to loosen up your anal-retentiveness.


Horses are very loyal, great at critical thinking, love to plan ahead, and surprisingly good at disappearing without a trace of evidence.*


Horses can be indecisive, impatient, and overly critical. They are prone to being stuck in analysis paralysis, and repeatedly beating a dead horse.

Zodiac Dates: March 21st – May 5th

This is a busy time of year for your brain –  A time for it to be overworked and underappreciated. For students, this is the season for final exams and requisite all-nighter cramming sessions. For those who love to do taxes (who are those people?), the time leading up to the April 15th deadline is downright magical in its ability to cripple people with stress and anxiety.

Day of the Week: Tuesday

Studies show that Tuesday is the most boring day of the week. The weekend just gone seems like ancient history, and the upcoming weekend feels like an unreachable future. Which is to say that Horses love it! Tuesday is a great day to use your brain for some heavy lifting. Whether it’s doing your taxes, your homework, or going over expense reports, make the most of your Tuesday!

If this is Your Zodiac Sign

If you are a Horse, you know that you’re the smartest person in the room, and you shouldn’t feel weird about your superiority. But however awesome your brain is, remember that you have so much more of yourself to share with the world, like your personality and sense of humor. Who else can tell a science joke like you? Like the joke you shared with that lady at the grocery store: “How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible!” Haha! That was awesome, and so are you! Don’t you forget it.

Reference in Mormonism:

* Horses are mentioned 14 times in the Book of Mormon (e.g., Alma 18:9, 12; 20:6; 3 Nephi 3:22), but somehow there isn’t any historical evidence of pre-Columbian horses in the Americas. Some Mormon apologists believe the “horses” of the Book of Mormon could have been tapirs. (

Read More

How High is Your Horse? Horse: Introducing the Mormon Zodiac Signs (Part 2 of 8)