Angel w/ Flaming Sword

Angel with a Flaming Sword

Mormon Zodiac Angel with a Flaming Sword
The Angel is portrayed as an athletic frat boy type who is proudly guarding a fruit tree — a reference to the Genesis story (Gen 3:24). He’s wearing a shirt that says, “Ball for the Lord” which could mean “play on the Lord’s team”, or “God will make you cry”. Both interpretations fit equally well.

Attribute Emphasis: Physical

Angels with Flaming Swords are fetchin’ cool! In the scriptures they are a symbol of God’s power, and they are a powerful zodiac sign. “Angels” are sexy. They are top-notch athletes and supermodels. They are passionate about exercise, great food, and amazing sex. They love life and expect to have a good time. Self-confident and attractive, Angels are able to unite people and turn enemies into quick friends.

When it comes to conflict, Angels shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. A drawn sword is a symbol of power, but can also make you look like a prick.

Strengths:

Angels are smokin’ hot, athletic, persuasive, passionate, and confident. They are especially good at guarding fruit trees* and enforcing plural marriages.**

Weaknesses:

Angels can be arrogant, self-centered, inflexible, and aggressive.

Zodiac Dates: May 6th – June 20th

This is basically wedding season, and the time of year to celebrate the physical aspect of your humanity — the “pleasures of the flesh”. Whether it’s your first wife or your 50th, this is the most popular time of year to tie the knot. In Utah, temperatures are starting to heat up, and hormone levels are on fire.

Day of the Week: Wednesday

Wednesday is right in the middle of the workweek, so it’s often called “hump day”. As in, you’re over the hump and the rest of your week will be downhill. Or the week is half over so who gives a hump about the rest. It could also just mean having sex. According to Jemaine Clement (Flight of the Conchords), “Wednesday is the day to make love because there’s nothing good on TV, and conditions are perfect”.

If this is Your Zodiac Sign

If you are an Angel, you know that you’re a fine physical specimen, but the people around you can forget how hot you are, so you might need to remind them occasionally. Run your fingers through your hair, examine yourself in the mirror incessantly, and make sure to pout your lips — like a duck-face. If you start feeling down, definitely look to others for validation, because that’s the solution. Try wearing less clothing or acting like a whiny bitch; if you’re really upset, look for someone to punch in the face.

Reference in Mormonism:

* After Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, God decided to guard the other important fruit tree, the “Tree of Life”. Who best to guard it? An angel with a kick-ass flaming sword, that’s who! (Gen 3:24, Moses 4:31)

** Joseph Smith didn’t want to practice polygamy, but an angel with a flaming sword made him do it. (Life of Heber C. Kimball, p.321-325)

Read More

An Angel Made Me Do it! Angel with a Flaming Sword: Introducing the Mormon Zodiac Signs (Part 3 of 8)